“Source Creator, please grant eternal rest for the soul I speak of today in this blog. Surround her with Your light so she can be at peace with you , after her soul’s journey.”
Verse: John 1:5 reveals that darkness cannot overcome God’s light.

I’ve been in Arizona for about a month and 10 days since my Grandma died. I miss her in the mornings when I want to call and ask for her advice or wisdom regarding relationship matters with my dad or show her how good im doing in school. No one has ever believed in me, the way my grandmother did. She had a fancy way of helping me calm down and separate myself from problems. Today will be 40 days since her passing, and I want to make this a tribute to her once again, but ask for assistance in prayer. I hope Im doing this right, because it feels right to just create the space here. The “40-day rule” after someone dies is a traditional spiritual and cultural mourning period observed in various faiths, notably Eastern Orthodox Christianity and Islam. It symbolizes the time the soul completes its transition to the afterlife or undergoes a period of spiritual purification and judgment- “We can do nothing better or greater for the dead than to pray for them” The soul goes through many confusing battles between energy vortexes, ultimately like a tv game show, but of all the “sins” they struggled with in this life. Grandma was huge on the Course in Miracles and Sin to me is equivalent to the statement- only where there is a lack of love. Sounds scary as fuck not gonna lie.

I feel like my world without my grandma in it has radically shifted, like the earth moves more slowly, and strangers’ words are clearer. Im not as laissez-faire about my choices, almost like every decision is met now with panic while a door or window is cracked to a destiny I am no longer certain of. It’s not awareness its not decisiveness, but im being guided, guarded, and protected to my highest yet to be. So it is

SIDE TOPIC BEFORE RELEASE

Trusting the universe while demanding it stick to my plan only has increased anxiety, fear, and depression. I hate these feelings, even more so because they circle around grief. Financially Im scared because no one will hire me still!. Uber is a bust down here because the people are so old they dont know how to use the app (so cute). However, there are these miracles that keep happening right at the moment when I let go of control. I got a part-time job as a taxi driver(YES!), my dad is able to cover my bills for this last month, I have food, Rocket is about to get his shots so we can place him in boarding while im doing rides on tripple digit days, i have a solid friend in idaho helping me sell my car for the next couple months to get by. I also met someone when my mind was clear for the first time since shes been gone, and I could see the landscape around me more beautifully for what it was. He was so much more noticeable than anyone around…but I’ll write about that later.

The miracles that have happened recently were, about 2 or 3 days ago, I joined my dad on a side quest. Once we had been in the car for about 15 min, I thought “Grandma is in the car with us”. I nervously started talking to Dad about random stuff because I couldn’t share this thought with him; he just doesn’t believe in them, and it turns into a power-controlled conversation with a difference of opinion. Then immediatly as if in a weird flow state, Dad started sharing a song he wanted me to listen to. He went to a concert the night of Grandmas funeral for an 80s band tribute, where the song was specifically dedicated to the lead singer’s mother, who died. He played the song, and one of the lyrics said: “Flowers bloom in your name”. I started bawling and told him, before he shared this, that Grandma was in the car with us. My grandmother had the most magnificent garden in her backyard, which she called her sanctuary.

I then shared with him a similar experience I had driving back home to Arizona after her funeral. I was looking up Women AA meetings in the local area, scanning and reading what they were about. My radio was playing while reading as background noise until I read a specific meeting outload. My radio changed to my Bluetooth on phone, and Let the Love Flow by the Bellomy Brothers started playing. This is the same song my grandma requested be played when she was leaving the hospital after her stroke. So I cried and went immediately to that meeting where I actually MET women who KNEW my grandma! From Arizona, and my grandma lived in Idaho. That’s how amazing AA is sometimes. I guess my grandma wanted me to see that.

Anyways…these were two cool experiences I think happened, and maybe grief has a weird way of validating us that spirits stay after the physical body is gone and communicate through electronic devices. However, that may be moving forward, I want the record to be straight spiritually and I declare that my grandma has no more work here she needs to complete. She expressed her exhaustion of being on earth YEARS before May 9th, and she is allowed this natural freedom we as souls have a right to.

This is the last part I want to share because it’s a promise I made to her that I would memorize the affirmation she made. It has helped me, and many other women she has counseled, going through life’s ups and downs. It’s long, but every word has profound meaning. Here it is:

And the Truth is the Bedrock of my being,

God is the source of my Happiness

Equinimity is my natural State

Everyday is a holiday, and every meal is a banquet

I live my life by grace

I love myself unconditionally

I am happy, healthy, Peace, Power and Joy

I am abundant, prosperous, and I dance to the music of the divine

I am guarded, guided, and protected to my Highest Yet to Be

Simply because I am the beloved of god

So I surrender to the love that I am

and Yes

I am the master of my life

So it is.

“Source Creator, please grant eternal rest for the soul I speak of today in this blog. Surround her with Your light so she can be at peace with You, after her soul’s journey.”
Verse: John 1:5 reveals that darkness cannot overcome God’s light.